Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain

• We all know that a man can be measured by his meat. Mainstream-manhood and meat-eating are like peas in a pod… or links in a pack of sausages. But how does Herman Cain Presidential hopeful prove his manhood to the United States of America? By topping his pizza with meat, not sissy vegetables. Duh…

According to Salon.com’s Mary Elizabth WilliamsThe GOP candidate measures a man in terms of sausage and pepperoni — and with lame, emasculating words:

“The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is,” he explained. “Because the more manly man is not afraid of abundance. A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables! ” [Side note: America, if you ever elect a man with such appalling grammar to its highest office, wild packs of copy editors with nothing left to lose are going to storm the White House and burn it down.] Cain then explained that a real man would dismiss any pizza contaminated with vegetables as “a sissy pizza.” Because Herman Cain’s penis isn’t having it!

• According to Inhabitato.com, Lab Grown, $345,000 Petri Dish Hamburger is Coming to a Table Near You. My main questions are, A) would you eat it if it tasted exactly the same? B) How much less “natural” is it than burgers already being sold at fast-food chains, and C) Do fries come with it?

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With the lofty goal of assisting the meat production industry in reducing its hefty emissions levels, Mark Post of the Netherlands is on a quest to create a lab-grown hamburger. Yes, a lab-grown hamburger. Gulp. The world’s appetite for meat is hurdling upwards towards an estimated annual consumption of 376 million tonnes in 2030 and the emissions from that industryare climbing higher every day. Finding a sustainable alternative to feeding the flesh hungry human race — or figuring out a way to get them all to eat garbanzo beans instead — is becoming more and more necessary. Post thinks he’s got the answer and though he believes he’ll create the world’s first artificial burger this year…